Worthless

Tears burning behind my eyes, 
Satan whispering constant lies. 
I never can do anything right, 
Just quit, stop, give up the fight. 
The pain it presses deep within, 
Screaming in the depths of me,
I will not overcome this sin, 
I am a failure – I can not win,
I am a loser and will always be. 
Memories flood from days of old,
Seem to help to heap the coals,
Of times gone by that I have lost,
Oh how heavy the cost.
The wounds are deep and plenty,
The scars, there are too many.
Yet, as I look into the eyes,
Reminding me of my demise,
Arrogant looks of disgust and blame, 
A strong yet gentle voice proclaims, 
I redeemed you from this shame. 
As the tears continue to flow, 
I see a light begin to glow.
For once upon a wretched tree, 
My Savior chose to die for me. 
Sometimes I still catch myself living the life of guilt, shame, depression and anxiety. What is frustrating for me is how long I wallow in it, before I recall that I am forgiven and my Jesus has set me free from the lies I was living.
I read the stories of how Jesus fed the crowds with just a couple fish and a little bread, and everyone was full and even leftovers were taken up. (Matthew 14:13-21) Then later, with a crowd in a different location, Jesus says to his disciples, we need to feed the people. His disciples were worried, because there wasn’t much food. So, again, Jesus saves the day by blessing the food and feeding everyone – and having left overs again! (Matthew 15:29-39)
I would read that, and think to myself, “Goodness, they just saw a miracle, how quickly they forget!”
And yet…. sometimes I let myself forget that I am the daughter of the One True King. I am forgiven. I am redeemed.
Now, you may be confused and wondering what I mean. You may have never heard of Jesus, and this may be very confusing. So, come…. sit a spell… and let me tell you what I am talking about. Let me share what I believe.
My bible tells me that scripture and the bible are from God. (2nd Timothy 3:16 – 17) It also teaches me that Jesus is the Son of God and that he came and was born of a virgin and lived and taught here on earth for a while. (Luke chapter 2 announces his birth ; Luke chapter 4 begins his teaching). Then I learn of Jesus suffering for my sins and being crucified. (Matthew chapter 27 shares this) I am so very grateful that Jesus then was resurrected and rose 3 days later. (learn of this in Luke chapter 24) I then know that I am promised an eternal home by believing and confessing that Jesus is the son of God. (John 3:16).
I believe scripture is true, and I believe that Jesus was born and died, and rose again. I believe that He is in heaven, at the right hand of God, and that He left the Holy Spirit here with me, to help me and guide me. I believe that He has gone to prepare a place for me in Heaven. I believe that one day I will join him in Heaven and worship God for eternity.
Knowing what I know, the question is why do I ever doubt? Why do I allow the lies telling me that I am unworthy?
I think it is a terrible misconception that Christians can’t be depressed or anxious. We are even told in scripture that there will be days of trouble and struggle. (Psalm 50:15, Psalm 40: 1-3, Psalm 42:11)
I really think that 1 Peter 5: 6-7 speaks it best. 6. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I am not so arrogant as to say that none of the anxiety or depression that people live with doesn’t require medication and counseling and other aides to help someone overcome the darkness. Please, if you are suicidal or feel that you may harm someone – SEEK HELP!!! Immediately! Don’t wait!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255 they are available 24 hours a day. There is also online chat option available as well as more information at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
That all being said, many of us deal with some depression and anxiety – and may even question if we are actually a Christian if we feel that way. It’s okay to feel down occasionally. What isn’t okay is to be upset with ourselves for feeling that way, or to try to hide it and pretend it’s not there. Or perhaps even feel ashamed to share because we feel that it will impact how others see our faith. It takes action to change.
An object at rest tends to stay at rest. Which also means someone feeling discouraged will stay feeling that way unless something changes.
I am here to tell you:
God Loves You.
You Are Important.
You Matter.
You Can Make It.
You Don’t Have To Walk This Alone.
It is Ok To Be A Christian And Struggle.
Please, if you are feeling overwhelmed, don’t tuck yourself away and wallow in the mire. Seek out a trusted confidant, speak to a counselor, do something to help yourself see that light that is within you. Listen to the little voice that reminds you that you matter, you are worth so much more.
Perhaps even read my last blog “What’s Wrong With Me?” to help take some healthy steps.
Oftentimes the holidays, which are magical and cheery, can also be the most challenging and dreary – please make sure to do a personal emotional check up on yourself and help this to be your best Christmas season ever. You deserve it.
What do you do when you are feeling blue to get out of the funk?
Do you have any other suggestions for our readers on how to make it through the tough days?
If you are not in North America, does your country have a Suicide Prevention program that you can share with our readers in the comments in case they are unaware how to get help?
Not worthless, Amy
Again, we are so very thankful to you our readers for your support. Thank you for liking, commenting, sharing and being a part of our team. You matter and we love you.

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